The birthday party weeping (Carlos Eduardo F. M.)

I have never understood the reason why my mother used to cry at every birthday party she had. I remember it thoroughly. The guests would be ready to sing happy birthday around the set table. The lit candles on the cake. The lights off. My mon at the center. And when they would start to perform the song and clap their hands with their cheerful faces, she would weep like a little child. It just didn’t make any sense to me.

Family and friends were all gathered, sharing the moment, blissfulness and mainly food. By the way, food was always spectacular. We weren’t around it, actually it was the dainty that was everywhere and it was all around us. We always caught up with stuffed mouth. People just couldn’t help eating and talking all the time. So, you tell me, is there any reason to cry?

We barely had beverages at our birthday parties. Alcohol wasn’t too much appreciated in our family. We weren’t religious people; we just didn’t like to drink. My father just kept some buzzes in the fridge for a few guests and they would seldom ask for it. And eventually when they would ask for a six-pack, it was ruled by them. So, what I really mean is drunkenness was never a problem. Would you find a reason now?

Debts? We didn’t have any debts. My father would always pay the bills. We just owned the things we could afford, it was one of the rules. In fact, money wasn't a problem either, although we were not rich; we were middle class. Some families can deal with incomes better than others, that’s it. The balance has always been positive since I know myself. I know myself indeed… Well, at least, I ought to know myself. Maybe I didn’t really know my mother as much as I presumed.

Perhaps you fancy my mom was a depressive person or something alike at this point, but I can assure you got it wrong. She was a very happy and extroverted woman. She was always laughing at something, besides she was talkative. She would talk for hours. She loved life too much. May you give me a clue pointing out the reason why she would cry then?

My mom and daddy loved one another. They barely had an argument. They understood each other and accepted the differences; another rule in order to maintain a good marriage. Our family was great. We were always together. We were like one all the time. My family was perfect inside imperfection. For crying out loud, I can’t figure out the reason she acted like that!

Please you dare not tell me she used to cry for she was glad. I have never accepted the idea one also cries for glee. Her weeping wasn’t caused by external factors, like cutting up an onion. It came from inside. Her tears were produced in the grip of an extreme emotion and it wasn't she getting older. It obviously had a greater reason. Something must be wrong whenever you dry out emotional tears. What wasn’t I capable to find out then?

It is possible I shall die without knowing the real answer for my question since she is gone. I have never asked her to give any explanation and it is impossible for me to do it in the present. I am so sorry for it. Yesterday it was my first birthday party after she passed away. It was so strange, but I must admit I shed a great amount of tears when they were clapping their hands and singing happy birthday… Maybe I am starting to learn some things…

To a special friend.